The doorbell rang at 4:40am in June of 2011. Not something anyone in a deep sleep should be awakened to. There was a man standing there that we did not know. He asked if Ben Koier lived here. The news that followed sent me to my knees in shock and disbelief. My19-year-old son had been hit head on by a drunk driver less than 3 miles from our home. Ben had passed away at about 11:30pm that night. As did the drunk driver, a 35-year old woman with a long history of alcohol-related driving incidents.
The hours that followed were more pain that anyone should have to endure. Phone calls to family members were so very difficult. News report details came out on television and seeing the actual accident images made it all too real.
Just trying to process this news was beyond my ability. The shock and deep grief, and the finality and sorrow were almost too much to bear.
Then there was a funeral that needed to be planned. So many decisions to be made when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. Deep, deep sobs like I have never felt before. Ben was my only child and he meant the world to me. This was not the way it was supposed to be. Making arrangements for my son was incredibly difficult. We didn’t know where to begin. We even asked the Coroner, “what do we do now?”
After the funeral, I knew I needed help. I started attending a grief support group at Southeast and realized the shock, anger, sadness, depression and roller coaster of emotions I was going through daily were all part of the journey. And that I wasn’t alone. The group helped me understand what grief was and that everything I was feeling was normal. And that I had to take care of myself and figure out a way to live with the deep pain I felt. My prayer was that God would use this pain I felt for good. For His purpose. And He really did!
Today, I have found joy again. And while my life will never be the same without my precious Ben, I continue to find ways to honor him and keep his memory alive. I am the Executive Director of First Hour Grief Recovery and I get to lead a team who mentor people navigating the sudden loss of a loved one. We offer hope through free grief support groups and fee-based one-to-one mentoring sessions. Through this ministry I have made some very special friendships and seen God working in, and through, our pain. I am honored to walk in this sacred space with people and help provide hope and healing.
The hours that followed were more pain that anyone should have to endure. Phone calls to family members were so very difficult. News report details came out on television and seeing the actual accident images made it all too real.
Just trying to process this news was beyond my ability. The shock and deep grief, and the finality and sorrow were almost too much to bear.
Then there was a funeral that needed to be planned. So many decisions to be made when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. Deep, deep sobs like I have never felt before. Ben was my only child and he meant the world to me. This was not the way it was supposed to be. Making arrangements for my son was incredibly difficult. We didn’t know where to begin. We even asked the Coroner, “what do we do now?”
After the funeral, I knew I needed help. I started attending a grief support group at Southeast and realized the shock, anger, sadness, depression and roller coaster of emotions I was going through daily were all part of the journey. And that I wasn’t alone. The group helped me understand what grief was and that everything I was feeling was normal. And that I had to take care of myself and figure out a way to live with the deep pain I felt. My prayer was that God would use this pain I felt for good. For His purpose. And He really did!
Today, I have found joy again. And while my life will never be the same without my precious Ben, I continue to find ways to honor him and keep his memory alive. I am the Executive Director of First Hour Grief Recovery and I get to lead a team who mentor people navigating the sudden loss of a loved one. We offer hope through free grief support groups and fee-based one-to-one mentoring sessions. Through this ministry I have made some very special friendships and seen God working in, and through, our pain. I am honored to walk in this sacred space with people and help provide hope and healing.